Exploring Balance in Therapeutic Coaching: The integration of Vulnerability and Potency

“Through the use of the dominator and partnership models of social organization for the analysis of both our present and our potential future, we can also begin to transcend the conventional polarities between right and left, capitalism and communism, religion and secularism, and even masculinism and feminism.” 

― Riane Eisler, The Chalice and the Blade: Our History, Our Future

 

I am exploring the dichotomy between vulnerability and potency as a focal point, prompted by ongoing discussions with my therapeutic coaching supervisor Carolyn Mumby. Carolyn is a dual qualified Executive Coach and former Chair of the BACP Coaching Division, and has been pivotal in the development of the emerging discipline of therapeutic coaching and dual qualified practice within the BACP and in the UK. 

Carolyn drew my attention to the concept of vulnerability being typically associated with therapy and potency with coaching. I recently read the book "The Chalice and the Blade" by Riane Eisler, and my developing understanding is that this split of vulnerability and potency is rooted in historical and cultural contexts. This duality seems to mirror the broader societal split between the feminine and the masculine. In using these terms I refer to the traits associated with them rather than seeking to further the gender divide. Well integrated individuals will have a balance of feminine and masculine traits, regardless of gender (imposed or self-identified). "The Chalice and the Blade" invites us to recognise that true progress in personal growth emerges not from the dominance of one aspect over the other, but from their integration and harmonious balance. 

Eisler's exploration of cultural evolution describes how societies have oscillated between two fundamental orientations: the Partnership model and the Dominator model. The former emphasises collaboration, empathy, and egalitarianism; traits traditionally associated with the feminine. While the Dominator model prioritises hierarchy, control, and aggression, often aligned with the masculine archetype.

Currently, our society largely operates under the Dominator model; what we refer to as the Patriarchy, Eisler says is more accurately Androcracy. This model perpetuates a worldview where power is synonymous with control and dominance. In this context, vulnerability is often seen as a weakness, and emotional openness is frequently dismissed in favor of stoicism and self-reliance. This skewed perspective fuels a divide between the chalice (symbolising nurturing and partnership) and the blade (symbolising aggression and control), hindering the integration of these essential qualities. 

Counselling and Psychotherapy: Embracing Vulnerability

The prevailing Dominator society often undermines this balance. By glorifying control and dominance, it discourages emotional openness and authentic connection. This societal bias against vulnerability creates barriers to genuine healing and growth, both in individuals and in broader communities. Perhaps therapeutic coaching can actively work to dismantle these barriers.

In counselling and psychotherapy, the emphasis on vulnerability, emotional exploration and healing is prominent. These practices involve creating a safe, empathetic space where individuals can express their emotions, process trauma, and explore their inner worlds. This approach nurtures personal growth through understanding and compassion, embodying the essence of the feminine energy of the chalice.

Coaching: Harnessing Potency

Coaching has historically leaned towards potency, characterised by goal-setting, assertiveness, and action. Coaching focuses on empowering individuals to achieve specific objectives, enhance performance, and cultivate resilience. This embodies masculine traits - the blade's energy, helping clients towards tangible outcomes and personal development through strength and determination.

Historical Context

Both counselling/psychotherapy and coaching, despite their differences, have predominantly developed within frameworks established by white male privilege in the context of our current, Dominator society. The pioneers in these fields often came from privileged backgrounds, shaping the professions' foundations and methodologies. This historical context has influenced the way these practices are perceived and integrated into society, and, I believe, reinforce gendered and cultural biases.

Integrating Vulnerability and Potency

While acknowledging this historical context, I see that the emerging, integrated practice of therapeutic coaching seeks to move beyond these limitations by promoting inclusivity and balance. By integrating vulnerability and potency, we might create a more inclusive and balanced practice that benefits all clients.

"The Chalice and the Blade" invites us to recognise that true progress in personal growth emerges not from the dominance of one aspect over the other, but from their integration and harmonious balance. Just as a chalice and a blade together symbolise a holistic approach to human existence—one nurturing, the other protective—so too may therapeutic coaching embrace both vulnerability and potency to facilitate profound and lasting transformation.

In practice, this integration begins with creating a safe and nurturing space where clients, where appropriate, feel empowered to explore their vulnerabilities without fear of judgment or shame. It involves fostering empathy and compassion, qualities often associated with the feminine, to build trust and rapport. By encouraging clients to embrace their authentic selves and delve into their emotional landscapes, therapeutic coaches lay the groundwork for healing and personal growth if this is part of the work required.

Simultaneously, therapeutic coaching can potentially harness the potency traditionally associated with the masculine archetype. This entails guiding clients in setting clear goals, taking decisive action steps, and cultivating the inner strength needed to navigate life's challenges effectively. Through empowerment and encouragement, coaches help clients tap into their innate resilience and potential, facilitating tangible progress towards their desired outcomes.

Redefining Power in the Relationship

Eisler's framework prompts us to reconsider the very nature of power within therapeutic coaching. Rather than viewing power as a hierarchical imposition (a remnant of the Dominator model) we can redefine it as a force that emerges from authenticity, compassion, and mutual respect. When vulnerability and potency converge, this can create a synergy that transcends traditional dynamics, fostering a more inclusive approach to personal transformation.

Conclusion

By integrating vulnerability and potency into a cohesive therapeutic approach, dual qualified, integrative therapeutic coaches can empower clients to navigate their inner landscapes with courage and clarity. In doing so, they not only facilitate individual healing and growth but this in turn might also contribute to the broader cultural shift towards a more balanced and equitable society.

On a personal level, I reflect on my maturing as a middle aged person, as a woman, as a mother, a friend, a professional, as a person who has engaged in extensive therapy over the years and continues to explore what it means to not just be me, but know who I am in the context of the world and in relation to others. There are some good things about the ageing process! I have reached a much more integrated way of being as a person and therefore, as a professional. It is fitting to offer this truly integrated and progressive way of practice within the wrapper of "Therapeutic Coaching". 

Postscript - it occurs to me that the masculine and feminine may also be represented in the concept pf "head vs heart" which I wrote a short post about here